It's dark in my imagination
by LeonieMalfoy
Summary: Draco can't remember his fith year at Hogwarts - what happened? And why does he keep dreaming about Harry Potter?
1. Chapter One

_Hi. I started writing this fanfiction in German originally, but it kind of was easier for me to write it in English. I hope ya'll like it. :)_

**Chapter One.**

"I'm so sorry." – "But ..." – "Draco, this isn't going to work. We're too different. Besides, I don't want anything to happen to you." – "I love you." – "I know. I love you too."

One last kiss. Then, the black haired boy left Draco alone in the darkness.

#

Draco woke with a start. The same dream. He felt dried tears on his cheeks – he had been crying in his sleep. Again. Heavily breathing, Draco sat up. The sky was grey and full of clouds. It had to be early in the morning. Draco took a look at his alarm clock. Almost 9 am. He had to be at King's Cross in two hours.

He packed his trunk listlessly and was waiting for his mother to knock on this door to tell him he had to hurry at any moment. Draco didn't like the thought of returning to Hogwarts at all. He was almost thinking about just running away.

Draco's thoughts were interrupted by a faint knock on his door. "Draco? Are you awake?" Carefully, his mother opened the door. She looked at him as if she was about to fling her arms around his neck crying. Draco starred at the floor. "Breakfast?" – "There's Toast." There was an awkward silence. "Are you okay?" Narzissa asked finally. Draco didn't react. He felt empty, exhausted. He was about to be sick and felt dizzy as well. "You look pale." His mother sat down next to him on his bed. "I had trouble sleeping tonight." Narzissa took Draco's hand. "Everything will be fine." Draco just nodded silently.

His mother seemed to understand that it was senseless to try and talk to him. She breathed a kiss to his cheek and then left him alone. Draco looked at himself in the mirror that stood across his bed. He had lost a lot of weight over the summer. His skin had gotten even paler than it had already been and there were dark shadows under his eyes. He looked down his naked upper body. There were faint scars on his arms, on his chest. Draco had been feeling incredibly sad lately, and didn't even know why.

He had also noticed something strange. Draco couldn't remember his fifth year at Hogwarts. Actually, he could recall the first two months perfectly fine, but then his memory became blurred. But then again he could remember the last few weeks before summer just fine. Draco tried to remember again and again, but except being in Umbridge's Inquisitorial Squad and catching Potter and his friends, he really couldn't remember anything else.

Yet again trying to remember, Draco put on his clothes. He went downstairs for breakfast, but didn't eat a lot. The atmosphere between him and his mother was gloomy and his father was still in Azkaban – which didn't bother Draco at all, actually.

Draco's mother watched him, each and every move, as she drank her tea. "We should go soon." – "I'll go alone", said Draco. His mother looked at him as though she wanted to say something, but she remained silent. Draco looked at his bacon and his half-eaten toast. "I think I'm finished." Narzissa gave him a look of disbelief. "You barely ate anything." – "I'm not hungry." – "Are you sure?" – "Yes." Draco stood up. "I'll go, then." His mother sighed and nodded. Draco went to his room, took his trunk and apparated to King's Cross. He was there far too early.

Sighing, Draco sat down on the floor. People gave him strange looks, but Draco didn't care. His eyes fixed the clock; he was waiting for the train to arrive impatiently. After what seemed like hours to Draco, the train arrived, chugging. As Draco was about to get in, somebody tapped his shoulder. "Yo Dra – What the heck mate, you look awful!" Blaise looked at Draco as though he expected him to break down any moment. Draco ignored Blaise's worried face. "Hey Blaise", he muttered, as heaved his trunk through the door. "Give me that", Blaise said, "You look like it's hard enough for you to carry your own self."

Blaise heaved both, his and Draco's trunks, onto the train and then helped Draco get in. They sat down in the very first compartment they saw. Draco sank in his seat, feeling sick. He saw Pansy walking past. As she spotted him, she gave him an angry stare. "Why isn't she sitting with us?" – "You dumped her last year, remember?"

Draco did remember leaving Pansy, although he didn't remember why. "Yeah, right. Why did I leave her again?" Blaise shrugged his shoulders. "You didn't tell anyone, not even her. She suspected you had somebody new." Blaise paused. "And I guess she was right. Come on Draco, why don't you tell me who it was?" Draco bit his lower lip. "I don't remember." – "You – what?" – "I mean I don't remember why I left her. There was no other girl." Blaise laughed. "Man, how drunk were you?" – "What are you talking about?!" – "Draco, we sneaked in the three broomsticks last year. After you had a few butter beers you told me you had a new girlfriend. A Gryffindor." – "I did what?" – "You wouldn't tell me her name. I almost feared I could've been Granger."

Draco clenched his eyes shut, trying to remember. "Blaise, I don't remember having a girlfriend after Pansy." – "Are you demented? You spent almost the whole year with her. You wouldn't come to the dormitories at night, you were nervous about catching Potter and his friends, and the only time I ever saw you last year was during lessons." Draco looked at Blaise, puzzled. Blaise leaned forward, waving his hands in front of Dracos face. "What's wrong with you?" – "I don't know. I don't remember my – our – fifth year at Hogwarts." – "Draco, no offence, but have you gone insane?" – "I'm afraid I have. I remember leaving Pansy, although I don't remember why, but everything after is just kind of blur ..."

Blaise made a serious face. "Draco ... are you okay?" Slowly, Draco shook his head. His dreams popped back into his head. Draco gulped. If Blaise was telling the truth and Draco had been in a relationship after leaving Pansy ... A horrible thought popped into Draco's head. The boy in his dreams ... Had Draco been in a relationship with _Harry Potter_? No. That was impossible.


	2. Chapter Two

_Here we go again, I hope you'll like the second Chapter as well. :)_

**Chapter Two.**

"B-but I really did have a _girl_friend? I mean ... I never indicated I could've been with a boy, did I?" – "What kind of question is that? Draco, is there something you'd like to tell me...?" – "No, it's just ... I've had some weird dreams during summer." – "Yes ...?" Blaise was clearly waiting for Draco to explain what he meant, but Draco certainly did not want to tell him that he'd been dreaming about having a relationship with Harry Potter. It was bad enough for Draco to know that he had been crying in his sleep whilst having those dreams.

Draco bit his lower lip, not knowing what to say. "I –" – "You're gay, aren't you?" – "Have you gone mad?! Me? Gay? Pah! Even though I don't remember her, I bet my girlfriend last year was the hottest girl in school. Which was the reason I didn't tell you who it was, because I didn't want you to get jealous." – "Yes, certainly. Draco, the hottest girl in school is Emily Rash, and she's a Ravenclaw." – "There are plenty of hot girls in Gryffindor too." – "Name me one." Draco didn't know what to say. After a few moments of thinking he muttered "Lea Novell." – "She's eighteen now, Draco, she left the school last year." – "Jealous because I had an older girlfriend?" – "You're just guessing, Malfoy. You don't know who it was."

Draco blinked. "B-but how can I forget one whole school year?" – "Well, what _do_ you remember?" – "Nothing really. I remember leaving Pansy ... after that ... well, I remember Tuesday morning before the holidays. Actually, I remember everything since this Tuesday morning." – "You know what's crazy? Monday evening before summer, you got really drunk. I had to carry you to your dormitory; you were vomiting for two whole hours and talked about ... well, weird stuff. Maybe that's why you don't remember anything else." – "Now that you say it, I remember being drunk. But how drunk did I have to be, to forget about eight or nine months of my life?"

Blaise went silent, he seemed to be thinking hard. "What if she was so ugly that you just repressed the whole thing?" He burst with laugher. Draco slapped him. "This is not funny!" – "Why yes, it is! I mean, you're completely mental!" – "You'd be 'mental' too if you couldn't remember nine months of your life!" Draco hissed. Blaise chuckled. "You should stop doing drugs." – "Fuck you, Blaise." Blaise was shaking with laugher. Draco slapped him again. "Would you please stop that!" – "Would you stop laughing at me?" – "Sorry" Blaise grumbled. "You're not sorry."

Silence.

Draco stared out of the window, watched the hills and trees they drove past. "What weird stuff?" he said suddenly. "Huh?" – "You said I talked about weird stuff when I was drunk. What did I say?" – "Well ... You said stuff like 'I can't go on like this, I can't live without him, he means way too much me.'" – "_He_?" Draco shuddered. "Don't know. You were completely wasted, man. Don't think about it."

The ride seemed to go on for ages. It was pitch black outside when they finally arrived at Hogwarts. Draco stepped out the train, sat down in the great hall, watched the first years being sorted, listened to the headmaster's speech, ate one single chicken wing, went up to his dormitory and fell into bed, exhausted, as though he just had completed a marathon.

#

"I missed you."

Draco fell around the black haired boy's neck. "I missed you too." – "It's been three months." Draco smiled. "I know. And I still think this is the craziest thing that could ever have happened to me." The boy took Dracos hand, looked him right in the eyes. Their faces got closer, Draco could feel the other boy's breath on his lips. Their lips were just about to touch ...

#

"GET THE HELL UP, MALFOY!" Draco woke up with a start. "Blaise, for fuck's sake!" – "It's almost eight o'clock! Get up!" Draco curled up under his blanket. "But I'm so tired ..." Blaise shrugged his shoulders. "Well, that's not my problem." He grabbed his bag and left the dormitory. It took Draco several minutes to realize that he just couldn't skip his first day back at school. He got up, put on his uniform, left half of the shirt's buttons unbuttoned and didn't bother tying his tie.

He went upstairs, confused, not even knowing which subject he had now. He saw Neville Longbottom running past him and followed him, hoping they had the same lessons. Neville burst into the classroom, Draco sneaked in behind him.

"Longbottom, Malfoy, you're late." Professor McGonagall looked at Draco, to Neville, back at Draco. "I'm sorry Professor, it was Peeves. He told me you had changed the room and send me up in the fifth floor," said Neville nervously. Professor McGonagall sighed. "Well, alright, just sit down. What about you, Mr Malfoy?" – "I, uh ..." – "He was _tired_," said Blaise, grinning. "Shut the fuck up!", hissed Draco. "Watch your language, young man. Five points from Slytherin. And would you please tie your tie and button your shirt!" Draco groaned. "Stop moaning Malfoy or I'll take another five points from Slytherin."

Muttering an insult, Draco tied his tie. "Well thank you very much. School hasn't even started and you lose five points," whispered Blaise. "Calm the fuck down, Potter once lost a hundred and fifty." – "This is the third time I hear you say 'fuck' today." – "Sorry, bad day or something ..." – "Is there something you and Mr Zabini would like to share with the class, Mr Malfoy?" – "No, Professor." – "Well then, stop talking and pay attention."

Blaise gave Draco a strange look, then watched Professor McGonagall transform a cat into a bonsai. But Draco was watching somebody else. Harry Potter browsed around his transfiguration book, obviously not paying attention. Then, for half a second he looked up and his eyes met Draco's. Draco winced and turned around to pay attention in class again.


End file.
